Wednesday, 4 April 2012

April's Fool

Malus Liset in all its glory

April has not started well. Despite the fact that it is - along with May - my favourite month.
You will have to forgive me, dear Reader, if I have a little whinge.

The north wind doth blow - even as they predicted -  and it cuts through you like the grim reaper's scythe. Moreover, it has, as expected, brought not snow, but hail which congeals in odd corners like rejected, frozen tapioca pudding.
And is just about as appealing.

That is not all.

Despite the promise of all his worldly goods, I am not at all convinced that Marie Walewska is in love with poor Napoleon. He seems pale and shell-shocked by comparison with his former self. He has lost the strut in his step since he lost his little Empress.

Marie Walewska is taking time to adjust

Despite her syrup-coloured eyes, Marie Walewska doesn't pamper him, and tell him that he's wonderful, or scold him if he leaves her side for a minute. She doesn't rush over when he triumphantly displays the smorgasbord I lay before them each morning, and pretend, as his loving wife used to do, that he has found it all by himself. She doesn't even flirt and seduce him as a mistress should. In fact, I think her chicken-heart secretly pines for Wellington and the faceless harem, even though it's dominated by girls twice her size.

 Wellington is as big as the Rock of Gibraltar, but blacker

But there is worse.
I have so far shielded you from my automotive problems, but I can do so no longer.
In these recessionary and impecunious times, the In-Charge and I share a vehicle, and I set out in this silver beast yesterday to collect my brother from the airport - dear brother of blog-repairing fame. Five miles into the return journey, the car coughed in a surprised sort of way and sighed to a halt. Twenty minutes later, during which we sat and watched the rain sweep sideways across the windscreen, it agreed to lurch another mile, and ten minutes after that it apologetically limped a final hundred yards before graciously staggering off the narrow back road onto the hardstanding outside someone's house.
Before you give the patient a round of applause, I would just like to point out that this is the third - yes, third - major breakdown of the year.

The silver beast is like some spoilt only-child.
It has  been showered with new things.
It has had all my money.
What does it want?

Brother and I conferred by phone with the In-Charge, who instructed us to consult the manual.  Incredibly, this was to hand in the car - you see why husband is the In-Charge and I am merely the Boss!
OK, I'll be scrupulously honest here. I did not consult the manual.
Have you ever noticed that all manuals are written in Double Dutch?
Dear brother consulted the manual and even more nobly, braved the bitter wind to dirty his hands under the bonnet, but it was to no avail.
Thankfully a knight in shining armour offered to rush, ventre a terre to the scene on his trusty steed, or rather in his little red Corsa (does that make him a corsair not a knight, I wonder?) He arrived an hour or two later, bringing the In-Charge, but it was still to no avail and we all returned home in the trusty - the TRUSTY - little red car.

As the In-Charge has black fingers (the mechanic's answer to green-fingers), I know the patient is ill indeed.
It has been left, forlorn and lonely, to have a good long think about its uncalled for behaviour until tomorrow.
Heaven knows what will happen then, but I am not expecting an apology and I daresay Saturday detention will be called for. Detention until further notice, no doubt, during which the beast will sulk until we buy it an expensive new present - a fuel pump or something.
The brat.

And now it is 4am, and just when I need him most, Morpheus refuses to clasp me to his comforting bosom.
Also, although it is still pitch dark outside, there is a bird singing.
What is there to sing about, I'd like to know?

April has not started well.
Despite the blossom - despite the blossom.


  1. It is said that we will never be handed more than we can handle, but sometimes I think he who doles out difficulties gives me credit for stronger shoulders than I wish to be given. Some days, just some days, it would be nice to be viewed as one who can handle no more. I wish you luck and good fortune.

    1. I thoroughly agree with you! My shoulders are feeling rather feeble at the moment! Thank you Carol!

  2. Oh poor you! A donkey and cart next time! And a hire car for longer journeys?

  3. This could take some time. I seem limited to length of comment and not allowed to correct.
    Are there always longer journeys? I keep my car for going East. Reall, in London I do not need one.

  4. I hope you sleep well tonight and that the arranged marriage turns out well. The blossom is gorgeous. Why is May your favourite month? It is my favourite too, but then it is my birthday!

    1. We had the donkey once - two in fact. No cart alas. Bizarre what has happened with your comments! May - don't know. April and May are my favourites. Because it's all so tender, everything is so pretty, the blossom and bluebells are out, summer is still to come (in theory! In practice that is often not the case here!) What date is your birthday?

  5. Oooo I have no patience when it comes to bad behavior in vehicles!

  6. Must be a silver steed 'thing' ours had a run of expensive, pamper sessions then suffered terminal failure across exit to local fire station (fortunatly on a slight slope) passing , very sweet tiny chinese lady helped me push it a few yards further on , no sign of strapping firemen!
    I know terminal when I hear it, several friends in and around Aughton had heard it too....and seen the smoke.
    We are driving the; rusty, trusty, in need of a wash and a service, Corsa. Also have 'dorrowed a battered filthy white van from Gordons factory. Enjoying being 'white van man' can see so much more over tall walls. been 4 months now. Have attended motor auction but horrified at prices and lacking courage to approach bank.
    Several friends have driven cars into the ground, sign of the economic times!
    Hope you have better luck with the search for a new charriot!

  7. P.s. I think Napolian needs a Poland girl, with a matching pom-pom!

    1. I think they are quite fragile, and the damp gets into their pom-poms. I'd rather have another cuckoo pekin like the Empress really. However, round here, can't see there being an awful lot of choice! Will have to cast my net further afield!

  8. Just reading The Bean trees by Barbara Kingsolver, terrible car! Have you read it? My birthday, 1st May. The parents done well!


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