If you aren't into the 100 Word Challenge, but you like cats, you might prefer this instead! Cat-atonic Napping
Here is my second entry:
‘I’m so sorry, but it wasn’t my fault!’ Jamie burst out,
as he came through the door. ‘I left as soon as I got your message – caught the
next train, but it’s such a long way and then I missed my connection, and when
I got back to our station, a tyre was flat on the car. I tried to ring,
but...’
‘It’s all right,’ Miriam said gently.
‘But are you OK? I’ve been
so worried! I’d never have gone to that stupid conference if I’d known...’
‘Hush,’ Miriam said. ‘Come and meet your daughter. She’s
asleep – arriving three weeks early is very tiring.’
This is the last one - promise!
Baggage rattling noisily onto the carousel woke
Gilly from her airport trance and she focused, disbelievingly, on the man
standing beside her.
Guy!
An unbidden, electric seventh sense abseiled to all
her nerve endings and her heart jolted. She hadn’t seen him since she’d ended
their passionate, ill-judged affair eleven years ago.
Regret still stalked her.
A bag swung towards them. They both reached for it,
their hands clashing, then Gilly withdrew, scalded. She’d thought it was hers,
but it wasn’t.
‘My fault,’ he said. ‘Sorry.’ Without a glance, he
turned and walked away.
It was never mine, she thought, her eyes following
him.
This is so sweet! I can feel the panic coming off Jamie in waves. Hopefully the sight of his new daughter will soothe him.
ReplyDeleteThe third piece is really sad too - I love the last line.
ReplyDeleteDon't apologise for writing so many. I think it was a good prompt from Julia this week. I've already written 4 and I've got a couple more stories in my head which might get written before the end of the week.
I enjoyed both of these.
ReplyDeleteThe first one had a lovely ending. I thought it was clever the way the story moved from a frantic pace at the beginning to such calmness at the end.
The second one was completely different and captured so well how unnerving the unexpected meeting with an old flame can be.
A agree with Sally-Jayne - you shouldn't apologise for writing so many. I've written a couple for this prompt and hop to write a couple more.
I love both of them. The first one is just beautiful. I learned a new word from the second (abseiled). I think it is amazing the variety that one prompt can create. Great work!
ReplyDeleteBoth are very different representations, well done. I love the first one because it is such a sweet example of how life can surprise us. Tzhe second one is fascinating because she remembers him so clearly and he barely glances at her, mis-communication full blown. Great writing on both of them.
ReplyDeleteAbseiled is such a strong and effective verb here. I like the spare ness, and I think it could be even better if you made the reader work a bit harder, rather than telling us about their relationship.
ReplyDeletei love these AND your first one. the final one made me a little teary....wonderful work.--Kate http://believeanyway.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteBoth excellent! Great emotion conveyed in so few words!
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for commenting. I appreciate all of them. I have IsobelandCat to thank for the broken prompt idea, which she used so effectively a few weeks ago. In reply to her comment above, my inclination would also be to say less and leave the reader to fill in the gaps, but having done that for the last few Challenges (and read various ensuing comments!), I thought maybe this time I should be less ambiguous!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lisa too - isn't it amazing how many ideas one prompt can spark!
Once again, well done Julia!